Another answer to a question from one of the e-lists I’m on. Lots of times, a neurotypical (NT) partner of an Aspie complains that their relationship leaves them feeling lonely. So, today’s question is:<\/p>\n
Can anyone on the list suggest strategies that can help the AS partner improve the ‘lonely place’ their partner is in??<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
As the AS spouse of an AS person, I do have a few suggestions for the Aspie partner.<\/p>\n
Mostly, they involve listening. NT people often love to talk, it’s our role to be good listeners. That doesn’t mean not interrupting, it means asking the right questions at the right times.<\/p>\n
So, how do we know what the right questions are? That can vary, but there are some patterns:<\/p>\n
– many women like to explore their feelings and motivations in conversation. So the right questions would be things like:
\n– how was your day?
\n– how did that make you feel?
\n– why do you think that happened?
\n– what on Earth were they thinking?
\n…<\/p>\n– others, often men, prefer concrete talk, with direct advice and solutions:
\n– what did you do today?
\n– what did you do about …?
\n– did you think about trying …?
\n– did your boss agree?
\n….<\/p>\nOf course, in either case, you pay attention to the topic and relate your questions to that.<\/p>\n
Often, just 15 minutes of “active listening” a day can help a NT person feel less lonely. You might propose a plan where your spouse tells you about her\/his day when they\/you get home, for 15-20 minutes, before you go on to any other evening plans. Or work some active listening into your before bed routine.<\/p>\n
Other ideas to help with the loneliness:<\/p>\n
– find another couple or small group of people you both enjoy, and socialize with them every month or so. If you need an excuse, gaming\/cards can work well. [I think bridge evenings were invented by an Aspie spouse!]<\/p>\n
– find an activity\/class you both enjoy (morris dancing, garden club, woodworking class), and sign up together. It’s ok if the activity is far from home, go together and do more active listening on the drive.<\/p>\n
Other ideas? That’s what the comments section is for.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Another answer to a question from one of the e-lists I’m on. Lots of times, a neurotypical (NT) partner of an Aspie complains that their relationship leaves them feeling lonely. So, today’s question is: Can anyone on the list suggest strategies that can help the AS partner improve the ‘lonely place’ their partner is in?? […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[15,21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-148","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-aspie-parent","category-parents-who-are-aspies"],"yoast_head":"\n
The Lonely NT - Polymath Solution<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/2010\/09\/08\/the-lonely-nt\/\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Liz\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/2010\/09\/08\/the-lonely-nt\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/2010\/09\/08\/the-lonely-nt\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Liz\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/8aadd911e62a97bd7a148b88033d0225\"},\"headline\":\"The Lonely NT\",\"datePublished\":\"2010-09-08T21:25:10+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2011-11-04T14:33:11+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/2010\/09\/08\/the-lonely-nt\/\"},\"wordCount\":374,\"commentCount\":3,\"articleSection\":[\"Aspie Parent\",\"Parents who are Aspies\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/2010\/09\/08\/the-lonely-nt\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/2010\/09\/08\/the-lonely-nt\/\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/2010\/09\/08\/the-lonely-nt\/\",\"name\":\"The Lonely NT - Polymath Solution\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2010-09-08T21:25:10+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2011-11-04T14:33:11+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/8aadd911e62a97bd7a148b88033d0225\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/2010\/09\/08\/the-lonely-nt\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"Polymath Solution\",\"description\":\"Interesting things, stuff and items\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/8aadd911e62a97bd7a148b88033d0225\",\"name\":\"Liz\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"http:\/\/polymathsolution.com\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/cd57a0579485d7d6e60f0db24ad3ee4bcadcb98c442e23f93311423ffd52d67a?s=96&d=identicon&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/cd57a0579485d7d6e60f0db24ad3ee4bcadcb98c442e23f93311423ffd52d67a?s=96&d=identicon&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Liz\"},\"description\":\"Professional polymath, currently earning a living in web and graphic design and development. 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