A friend asked:
(do you) have any tricks to teach kids to know how to respond when someone gives them something, especially if it is something your son/daughter doesn’t really find interesting or want?
“Thank You” is plenty for me, especially if the item was clearly an afterthought on the part of the giver. [I'm having a mint ... want one?]
If you feel a longer response is needed, “Thank You, Mrs. X” or, if you want to throw them for a loop, “Thank you sir.”
On the other hand, if the item is something that the giver put some thought into, the proper response is “Thank you for thinking of me.” or “How thoughtful of you … thanks!”
The issue with all this is that many Aspie kids think one must be truly thankful to say “thank you”. We don’t realize that the words can be a formality, a bit of social lubrication, as it were, and don’t necessarily imply one is truly thankful. Thank You often means nothing more than “I acknowledge you have given me something.”
One of the best references for teaching things like this to AS people are the works of Miss Manners. She handles issues like this with explanations and humor. Reading Miss Manners is what taught me that phrases like “thank you” and “I’m sorry” have very little to do with actual gratefulness or remorse, and a lot to do with being pleasant and fitting into society.
